As things took a turn for the even worse today I find myself hurting much more than I wish I was. No matter how much I try to myself I don't care, I don't want him, and that it's for the best I can't believe it. It puzzles me that no matter how much and how hard I try to make things work they always fall apart. I can't help but wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. All I want is the best for him and by trying to help him make the right decisions somehow I am the bad guy. I'm always the bad guy. The worst part is seeing and feeling how much I care about and love him even when I shouldn't. No matter what he does to me, how angry or hurt he makes me, at the end of the I still love him.
What is wrong with me...
You are human. You have attached yourself to him in a way that doesn't easily go away. It will take time...but you will carry on. Maybe some day things will look different...But for today, today you have a little someone who needs you whole and healthy. Someone who needs all of you.
ReplyDeleteDo not look too far ahead of today. Continue your search in the Right Direction. God is faithful and He will be found completely by those who search wholeheartedly.
I love the songs you've chosen. The cry of your heart is good...it does not take the pain away or change everything to easy, but you are walking the right direction.
Keep on...
I just found you through Consume Me From the Inside Out....I don't know you...but I'll be praying for you today. May God hold you tight and give you wisdom.
ReplyDeleteBecky K.