Saturday, June 11, 2011
I realize that I've made this blog more about just me than me and my little girl. So in this short time that I've been writing this blog, baby girl has grown a lot!! She got more shots this past Wednesday at the doctor. It's never fun, but she does so well with it. As soon as it's over she immediately starts to calm down. We also found out that she is now 14 pounds 14 ounces and she is 25 and 1/4 inches long. She's grown so much, it's crazy. I was looking through all the pictures I have posted on Facebook and I remember when she was just born as if it were yesterday. How little and quiet she was at 8 pounds 1 ounce and a whopping 21 inches. Now she's growing big and quite a talker. She's always been alert but now she's more interested in things, always reaching out and grabbing whatever she can to play with. I love it. She's found her toes, and she loves to grab onto them and now that she's trying to sit up, she likes to lean over and eat them sometimes. She can also hold her head up well enough to play in an exerciser. And I'm pretty sure she's getting a tooth :) Fun stuff, let me tell ya! Her nights have definitely not been as good as usual, which stinks, but it's so exciting, I can't wait for that little tooth to make its way through :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Lately I've just been so exhausted. It takes everything I have to scrounge up an hour's worth of energy. As my journey of being a single parent continues, I find it taking a toll on me. Little by little it's wearing me down. I don't quite know how I'm going to handle it when I have a job. I could barely make it through five hours of school, how am I going to make it through a long day at work? (which that search isn't coming up very good. i have applied to many places and heard back from one. and that was to tell me i'm not qualified--you have to be 18, but i figured i'd still apply since i will be 18 in 9 days) I also find myself wanting someone...a guy, to come and just sweep me off my feet. Someone to make everything alright, to help me raise my child, to give me comfort and security. I love my little girl but I hate doing this on my own. When I found out I was going to be a mom, this is not what I had in mind. I always thought he'd stay to support me, and he did for a little while, but it didn't last. I always had high hopes and he let me down. Of everything he's ever said or done to me, it was the biggest disappointment of them all. The way he treats me isn't any better. I try to stay in touch and be friendly but he's just so mean. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this.. My heart breaks every time I think about it. My daughter deserves so much more and the fact that I can't give that to her kills me :/
Friday, June 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Well this post isn't wordless but it's sure how I've felt today. Many things have happened where I just don't even know what to say. There's so much I want to say but at the same time I don't want to say a word. From disappointment to nervousness to wanting to hide my intentions... It's quite difficult to explain where I'm coming from though when I don't want people to know my reasonings. Which are good, of course, and I'm doing what I know is best but it's just so hard. If only things were different then maybe my decisions wouldn't have to be so complicated. If people could just make good decisions and do good things with their life I wouldn't have to keep so much in the dark from everyone..
If only, if only.
If only, if only.